Quick bullshit at late o'clock ...

Okay, here's how it's gonna be from now on. Regular updates for starters. I know, I promised this before but I've hit on a way of placating the moppets who read this shite/are waiting for their commission/are most definitely not hot women looking for a hook-up with a fat, chain-smoking geek.

Regular reviews.

The first proper review will be of Joek's limited edition miniature range, of which I have number 3 of 300. It's an Elf lord with sword upraised on a scenic base or, as we all know all Elves are really pre-menstrual teen girls, She-Ra. I'll then contrast it with the Studio McVey range. Not a comparison, a contrast. Why not a comparison? Because, you fucking idiot, The McVey range is more established. And it is by my idols. For fuck's sake I'll explain more in the aforementioned first proper review.

However, to whet your appetites, here's a quick teaser - a review of Army Painter Matte Black Spray. And a contrast with the Games Workshop spray. I'm in a mellow mood because I'm listening to James live in Manchester (the 'Getting away with it' concert). So not much rudeness.

The Army Painter range of hobby materiel has rapidly gained popularity with gamers because it knows it's target market. Most gamers want an army of models painted quickly to get onto the tabletop, hence a large range of coloured sprays, several types of dip (fucking cheating) and now some pre-clumped static grass. You know, that product that model railway types have known about for decades. However, the core of their range has to be the undercoat and basecoat range of sprays.

The spray I am reviewing is matte black undercoat. Competitively priced and in an area not totally dominated by the 3 ton, senile, nappy-wearing monkey that is Games Workshop, it is still only available in dedicated hobby shops (like Wargames Inc, ho ho) or online. It's the same size as the GW Chaos Black primer but the nozzle gives a much more diffuse spray, covering models more quickly and saving you money by being more efficient (in theory). In practice, it gets everywhere except where you want it on the fucking mini. The paint formulation leans towards the plastic side of acrylic, and it dries to quite a soft finish with no tooth for subsequent layers of paint.

The quality of the finish leaves a lot to be desired too. You either end up painting on a surface like oily glass or (as on my test model, Lich Lord Terminus) a surface like fucking cake. What cake? A two day old cream and jam scone from the fridge - soft and unlikely to accept paint well. I should have known better but I really wanted Terminus covered and ready to go. I have areas of oily glass, areas of cream scone and some areas of no fucking coverage at all. To compound this, I'll be mainly using P3 paints and they seem to need a bit of tooth to adhere nicely, meaning a fun time of painting him beckons.

In all good faith, I can't recommend the spray. It's deceptively wasteful and quality control appears to vary from batch to batch. There have been a few cases of frosting (propellant mixing with the spray) that I know of. This seems to have died down recently so maybe they have got their act together.

I'm in the minority in the store, but the GW undercoat range is still the best. It contracts slightly (a bit like gesso but much less pronounced) when it dries out on the model, forming a tougher coat, and has the slight tooth that makes it a joy to paint over. The nozzle gives a more tightly focused spray which gives greater control and, paradoxically, less waste.

I do like the Army Painter Gray undercoat spray, but you have to really dust the coat on from a slightly further distance than is recommended so you run the risk of a sandpaper texture in the finish.

Conclusions? Stick with the GW sprays (aside from the varnish) and if you want to do some flash painting effects, use black/white zenithal undercoating and be done with it.

So, other news. The Khador Behemoth is put together and waiting for an undercoat. I have the colour scheme worked out, and I shall start it soon. All I have to say about that is I shall never ever have one in my Khador Army. Oh, and thanks to Cris for letting me test out my Khador scheme and work out all the bugs on his model.

Nice.

Rob
Angry that he didn't make the grade, been more loved and less afraid, scored the goal or got the girl ...

There's no business like (trade) show business ...

Over the weekend, I got to go to Gamesfest 4 with my LGS, Wargames Inc. Awesome, eh? So I decide to get a relatively early night for the 5am Saturday start. One of my neighbours has other plans, however, and regales me with shitty R'n'B and pop music via the too-loud speakers in his fucking car. I'd have loved to swing out and pull an inverted takedown on the bastard, but I'm not Batman.

So, 3 hours of sleep later I'm up and staggering down to meet Martin, a customer who had agreed to drive me to the show and sell shit for Wargames Inc and we're off. It's a long fucking way to Watford (my initial hopes that it would be a quick drive were dashed when I learned that the Watford Gap service station is nowhere fucking near Watford). Setup was ok, we had a good spot and I got my demo table out to run Warmachine battlebox demos all day - easy life.

However, I had forgotten Alessio Cavatore (Skaven Army Book, current 40K) was sending his proxy down to demo Shuuro for the store. When his proxy turned out to be Jervis 'Bloodbowl' Johnson I had to pack my shit away. I mean, some scruffy twat Pressganger or a legitimate games design legend? He's a really nice guy too, so I sold some stuff for Wargames, pointed people in the direction of the big Warmachine demo game and cooly chatted to Jervis (monopolised him with my lickspittle fawning, really). I gave up my demo spot and talked about the old days with the guy who created Bloodbowl. Fucking top one, so far.

I also hung out with Dave from Warlord Games. Their new Black Powder rules, written by Rick Priestly (also a really nice and approachable guy) and Jervis Johnson sound really intriguing. No points values and abuse of the system limited by agreement between friends. That's the main thing behind these rules, getting together with your mates to have fun - the rules are very old school in that respect. I will be wanting one of those, I can tell you. But to blag Martin the 'Big Willie' figure I had to make a sale for them. That's right, I had to schill for Warlord Games to get someone a limited run miniature and that someone wasn't me. Dave's a cheeky bastard.

The day took a slightly sour turn for us when another trader turned up and announced he was selling all his stuff at 50% off RRP. Good for the gamer, I know, but not so good for the trader who is scrabbling for margins in what is, let's face it, a niche market at best. And when he announced a further 25% reduction on his 'overstock' (including Grind, a game from Privateer Press released last week), that was taking the piss. Perhaps he didn't realise a Pressganger would know about Privateer's products. We had to refund any profit made thanks to that. The event organisers, Mark and Walter were really understanding and helped us out as best they could, so thanks to them for that.

The event was stacked with authors, including one of the guys who got me into this hobby, Steve Jackson (no, not the GURPS guy), one of the Fighting Fantasy gamebook creators. The most surreal moment for me was when Jervis (his manner is very disarming, you soon forget he's a GW big cheese) said 'I hope Steve Jackson's here with the Fighting Fantasy guys, I haven't spoken to him in ages'. I did a double take until I realised that Jervis is, actually, a GW big cheese and not one of my mates. Steve Jackson (no, not the fucking GURPS guy) and Jon Green were signing books, as were Graham McNeil and the author of the Brethren trilogy, Robyn Young.

I got to make some new friends (well, let's say I met some people who didn't automatically vomit after spending a couple of minutes with me) and had a good time generally. Definately worth going to.

I got to bed at about 10pm, so a long day for me. Then I got up, feeling a bit ill, and went down to Wargames to get some painting done. It turned out really fucking shit. I hadn't used inks in a long fucking time. Basically, I ruined the Kaelyssa model. That's what I get for following Matt DiPietro's destructions. I'll post pictures later on in the week and leave you with this one bit of advice: if you're ill enough to have to turn down a home-cooked meal (I missed chilli and rice, for fuck's sake) you're not well enough to fucking paint.

The real fucking kicker is that on Monday I felt pretty good. Looks like my crappy immune system crapped out on me, but only for one day.

Shit.

Rob
Angry that days off are full of suffering

Not using a John Lennon pun at all, dammit!

So yesterday (must ... fight ... obviousness ...), I thought I'd get a shitload of painting done. It's my day off, I left the laptop at work so any film watching/.pdf reading could wait and my natural tendancy to prevaricate would be neutered. The plan was to pretty much complete the warcaster so I can move on to the units of troops, then my mage hunter solo, followed by the 'jacks. I roll out of bed and the first thing I see is ... Batman: Arkham Asylum.

Now I haven't played on my mate's 360 for ages (I should really give it back, I suppose) but I thought a few hours on the game wouldn't hurt. I stopped playing the fucking game a half hour before I was due to come in to work. It's that good. So, that's why this update is shit. I've not done any painting, I'm mostly asleep and it's all Batman's fault. I mean, who wouldn't like to destroy some tosser because he's a dick?

No-one, that's who.

Plus, you can hang upside-down from gargoyles and zip down to grab the bastards by the throat and you end up hanging them by their ankle while you zip across to anouther handy vantage point and wait to apply the coup de friggin grâce.

When the punk's buddys go to see what has happened, and are standing beneath him, you throw your batarang at the rope and stupid falls on his mate and knocks 'em both out! Fucking genius!

So, the upshot of this crappy post is this: don't play videogames if you're meant to be doing something else and buy Batman: Arkham Asylum - you beat the shit out of people of every colour so it's fun, non-racist catharsis.

Everyone put on their growlyest voice and repeat after me:

I'm not Batman.

Fuckers.

Rob
Angry he isn't a Knight of the Dark variety