Saturday, 5 December 2009

Tangency ahead ...

It's late and I'm listening to the THACO podcast interspersed with Julian Bream playing Joaquín Rodrigo's Concierto de Aranjuez (there's some culture for you fuckers) and attention span problems are hitting. I need to be doing about four or five hobby projects at once. Stupid, yes, but it's how I'm wired. Rather than berate the reader with vitriolic diatribe interspersed with gay sex jokes (hurr u liek it up teh botti), I'll just get on with my latest scheme and what's going on with my Desert Nazis (just switched to Bream playing Bach's Fugue in A Minor).

The Skorne will be coming along (I'm just prepping my Tyrant Commander, a mini that looks like it's been fucking hit with a tattooist's needle it's that fucking pitted), to be followed by some Cataphract Cetratii. These will be speed painted (but hopefully not rushed). I have the mini I'm painting for my fellow pressganger (still in need of prep), Kaelyssa (bloody Matt DiPietro), basic sculpting to learn (blocking forms, correct proportion and the like). Add to this a novel I'm plugging away at in the background and I need one more project to fritter away my life with.

Enter the great devourer.

I know, it would have been better if I had wrote 'Enter the realm of Chaos, your nightmare has just begun' and waffled on about Bolt Thrower and how music was awesome when GW was more open to random projects and added some more gay jokes (u stil liek it up u'r bum) but I'm quite mellow at the moment (must be the music, I'm back to Rodrigo).

My history with GW has been quite odd. I think that the management buy out circa White Dwarf 120-ish was a bad thing, and their propensity to simplify and add space machines to everything pisses me off (not to mention the legal department headed, I'm reliably informed, by the very
cliché of a greasy lawyer type) but GW kept the hobby alive during the dark times, and as I hob-nob with the higher-ups of the design studio every now and again (who are all really nice guys), I'm prepared to forgive them. Fuck, they aren't hitting me with a cease and desist and I don't really give two squirts of piss about your opinion on Bloodbowl.

The oddness comes from the fact I have never had a full army of GW's before. There, my shock admission is out in the open. When I played my only two games of 40K (then called Rogue trader) 22 years ago, I got had twice and decided to stick to roleplay. Battle at the Farm, where you could be Crimson Fists or Space Orks. My one game of Warhammer Fantasy came during my quest to paint like his holiness Mike McVey and I played with a friend's gobbos against his Dark Elves.

Then I stopped with the hobby for about 10-12 years. I had seen some of Mike's miniatures in real life (specifically his Heroquest diorama and his Eversor Assassin and Emperor vs. Horus dioramas) and I was shocked at how different they looked in real life. For one, you couldn't see the filligree painted on the Emperor's armour and the colours looked so much more rich and vibrant in reality. I was basing my painting style on the lighter way the models appeared in White Dwarf. So they looked quite bland compared to how the high end painters I desperately wanted to emulate really painted.

Add to that my rather punishing training shedule (8 hours work, 6-8 hours gym and martial arts a day) and there wasn't time to do the hobby any more. However, the great thing about toy soldiers is you can always go back to it. I also have found one of the last minis I ever painted before stopping, a test model for a Chaos army in WFB. Yes, I'll get some pictures so you can have a good chortle, you pack of bastards.

Which brings me to the point of this rather meandering post. I am embarking upon my very first 40K army, and it is Tyranids. The greatest menace the Imperium has ever known, and an archetypal 'horde' army. I have started at the top and got my army leader, the Hive Tyrant. He's huge, far bigger than most generals, and directs the will of the intelligence behind the 'Nids on the battlefield. He's also a bit of a bullet magnet, so I imagine there will be very angry posts on how everyone 'lieks it up teh bum bum' because they can beat me easily.

I'll be at Wargames Inc assembling and painting this army, so if you want to come on down and get or give hints and tips on painting, modelling (miniatures or 3d only please) then pop in for a chat.

I promise not to post about your propensity for receiving the sossage up your brown eye at all.


Angry at ... err ... racism. Yeah, that's always a good one to be angry about

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

The after-con report in full lacklustre-o-rama

Well, last con of the year and it was Dragonmeet. Run by Angus Abranson, the director of Cubicle 7 Entertainment (publishers of SLA Industries and Cthulhu Britannica among others), Dragonmeet has been going for a little while to say the least. So, time to pack up the shop and head down to drizzly London for what is essentially an indoor market place for the hobby industry. Turned out it was a 16 hour day. Fucking 16 hours to get to and from and trade at what, essentially, is a roleplayers convention. This fact was hammered home later on in the day when a couple of Anne Rice twinkly vampire woe is me Twilight types pointed at the stall and opined 'We don't need any of that here'.

I was ready to perform one of the following actions: berate them with the history of roleplay games - essentially they are derivative of a game called 'Chainmail', which featured a fantasy supplement called 'Dungeons and Dragons' - or perform an anal lobotomy. Unfortunately I then remembered I can't pick on the disabled and left them to their rousing discussion of GNS theory and how cool it would be to suckle at Ron Edward's cock or whatever shit they were burbling on about.(Don't you just know that when the cover of an RPG has shit Poser models rendered in wank-o-vision it's going to be great. Or a portentous piece of storytelling twaddle).

Anyway, back to the con. The wonderful Smog:1889 miniatures I was sure that any self respecting miniature lover would give his functioning testicle for (or at least pay the price on the fucking box for) turned out to be a bit of a bust - only one person bought any. I did get complaints about the pricing, though. Apparently a direct conversion via isn't good enough for people who, surprisingly, are prepared to pay a premium for models cast in cheap-shit resin that don't fit together from Forge World. Oh no. Because it's not fucking space machines, because they are well cast with minimal (if any) mold lines and fit together almost perfectly people expect them for fuck all. People forget that these are 54mm minis, and the price point is competitive with Forge World on comparable models and the product is far more imaginative to boot. Bastards.

However, there were some great things about the con, too. Chief of which were Pagan Angel, where I got some awesome t-shirts (and the lovely lady who runs the shop wears skimpy fetish gear ALL DAY), and Leisure Games, who have a real cute girl working for them. Real cute. Shallow of me, I know. But it made the day worthwhile. Also cool were the guys who actually bought from me, especially Rob, an American who likes his Flames of War and Fred, who is into his 40K and Fantasy. I ended up talking to Fred and his friends quite a lot, and getting free cooking theory lessons from a Frenchman is all good.

Now I imagine some of you are thinking I'm one of those people who dislike roleplay games, and I do. On the computer, they generally suck (WoW is just a fancy chat program if you ask me). However, I got into the hobby through real roleplaying games (well, eventually, anyway) and I have a stash of goodies, including a pile of books from the greatest roleplay game ever, Cyberpunk. I'm just getting back into roleplaying, so I'm getting into it with a system I know and love - Dead Reign, from Palladium Games. Why the Palladium system? Because I like their stuff. I don't care if Kevin Siembieda is a dick who fucks people over, I like his product. So the trials and tribulations of my foray into the RPG world will feature here too. You lucky, lucky bastards.

The final highlight (aside from sneaking glances over at Leisure Games Girl and Pagan Angel Lady) was meeting Nigel and Ash Pyne, creators of War for Edaðh (Edath), a two player card game. I played Nigel and got crushed pretty handily, and I knew I had to have the game, so I borrowed the money off my helper and bought it. I also got my rulebooks signed by the pair of them. Just like a comics convention. Wargames Inc will be stocking it very soon, I'm sure.

I really enjoyed talking to people just to see the hunted look on their faces - you know, the 'Oh shit, I have to interact with someone and I bet the bastard is trying to sell me something' look that was on a fair few faces, I can tell you. It seems the average RPG geek is no better at social relationships than their digital counterparts, just more looked down upon. And I have to say, trim, good-looking French and American men aside, that I was a veritable sporting 'jock' type compared to some - even smoking 20 a day I could finish the 100 metres an hour before some of the people I saw. However, Dragonmeet is well worth going to, it's a great day out, just watch out for the expensive parking and the fact that it's £1.20 for a single can of Coke. I dread to think how much a pack of fags is.

Today, the plan is to get some prep done on my Skorne inbetween serving the multitude of customers (dodging the tumbleweed) so I can get some more batch-painting done for my Skorne. I want to get a unit done, so it might be the Praetorian Karax, or it might be the Tyrant Commander (which is a shitty cast - 90% of the model is covered in extensive pitting, so it's going to look like it's pebbledashed). I can't be arsed to change it though, so it stays. I'll be putting pictures of the progress up soon, along with some pics of my latest flight of idiocy which will provide many a chuckle, I'm sure.

As I sit here on my fattening arse at shitty o'clock in the morning typing this diatribe, all I can honestly think about is how much I would like a latte with an extra shot of espresso. What a cock, eh?

Angry at his insomnia

Monday, 23 November 2009

Third Picture Update ...

Well, it's a little after the end of the week, but I have finally remembered the cable for the boss' camera. I also remember that some people like to see your painting set up, what you use to make your art (even if the end result is smeared in the metaphorical monkey poo) - kind of like sneaking a crafty peek at another bloke's cock when you're in a public urinal but less soul destroying than when you see he has some kind of prehensile appendage more suited as the nose of something large, grey and tusked. So here is my mobile painting station. Not for me the unmanly sight of a shoebox or one of those ridiculously expensive rotating paint shelves that look like a load of cake trays bolted onto a piece of plastic pipe, oh no. I have a large Stanley toolbox, as shown below. The twat who mugs me for expensive tools will be in for a shock, I can tell you. Not to mention a fucking hernia.

In this next shot, you can see where I keep the tools of my 'trade'. Immediately apparent is the fact I'm one of those types that has to have everything before I avoid starting a project. Note the clayshaper, greenstuff and greystuff - perfect for sculpting, along with the roll of 15 Gale Force 9 sculpting tools and 1 Games Workshop sculpting tool. GW knife and clippers, GF9 pinning stuff and files, mainly GW brushes (the Army Painter brushes are for pigments). Lots of stuff, eh?

Okay, so let's flip the lid and see what we can see. Well, one big fucking mess and a large roll of wankrag. Doesn't look like a promising start, does it? However, it's best to lay dropper bottles of paint on their sides. Why? Because then you can just roll the tube between your hands to easily mix the paint into a solid colour because there's a larger surface area for the pigment and medium to mix together, plus you don't get wanker's cramp by giving a bazillion pots of paint a quick flick of the wrist. There, not a sexual pun in the whole explanation. On the top is one full set of Vallejo Panzer Aces paints, plus another 9 pots of Vallejo Model colour. So, that's about 57 pots of paint so far ...

So, removing the wankrag, Vallejo and the tube of Daler Rowney Matte Glaze Medium, what do we have left? One full range of Privateer Press Paints, generally referred to with the cunning acronym P3 by those in the know. Developed by Saint Mike McVey, these paints are very reminiscent of the original GW paints (you know, they came in sets - Creature, Colour, Expert etc). With a liquid-based pigment these paints generally have great coverage, but the metallic paints (a bit of a misnomer as there generally aren't metal flakes in the paint, it's usually powdered mica and titanium dioxide) could have benefitted from being a powder-based one, as the GW metallic paints still rule the roost. Still, these paints are designed by my painting hero, so I have to learn how to use them, and use them well - I am an acolyte of the feathered blend, after all. I also have all of the P3 inks (in dropper bottles towards the bottom of the picture) and 2 pots of P3 mixing medium. You can also see my superglue, made by BSI, one full set of GW Foundation paints and a full set of the new GW washes (a great way of taking the skill out of painting, meaning those more mediocre than even I can get great results with neat base coats and washes). With the P3 range having 72 paints and inks, 18 pots in the foundation range and 8 pots of wash, that takes the running total so far to about 155 pots of gunk to paint shit with ...

I can't be arsed to pull all my P3 out of the box so here's the last piccy of my box a touch less empty than before (fnar fnar). In addition to the two pots of pre-mixed colours and the extra pot of wash, there's a paint range that may be unfamiliar to some - the Rackham range. Rackham used to produce some of the best fantasy miniatures ever (and I do mean ever). Then they shifted to pre-painted plastic minis and pissed off their core demographic by dumping the whole range of metals. Their studio painters were the ones who popularised the NMM (Non-Metallic Metal) style of painting, making the 'Eavy Metal painters look average in comparison. Mind you, they didn't have to pump out the amount of models the GW guys did, and the GW guys can produce world class high end paint jobs if they are given the time to. But the Rackham revolution was something special at the time, a revelation in a largely pre-internet community and has had a lasting effect on the look of minis. Gone are the overly bright, cartoonish paint jobs for the connoisseur, replaced with more realistic, subtle and naturalistic schemes. Fuck that shit. I want an escape, not a recreation. Good job too, as I don't have the skill to do all the realistic stuff. So, another 48 pots of paints brings my mobile total to ...

... 205, give or take. Two hundred and five pots of fucking paint, not to mention the 14 or so pots of MiG Pigments, thinner for washes, acrylic resin and pigment fixer for all that realistic weathering I deperately want to be able to do (fuck you, I don't care about what I just said, I can dream about being a good painter and you can't do shit about it). Bear in mind I have a full set of Citadel Colour at home (another 72 ish paints) along with a full set of the original Citadel Colour paints (another 90 or so) and you see my secret addiction, and it isn't shitty anal sex puns. Well over 300 paints. The net result of which is ... someone obsessed with shitty anal sex puns while being a mediocre fucking painter. With a job I appear to be shit at eating away my life I don't have the time to devote to mini painting. Which is why I have turned out a crappy tabletop level model for display:

Lord Tyrant Hexeris, done in the colours of Ron Kruzie's Skorne in the Tale of 4 Gamers article in No Quarter. A very limited palette, trying to get a desaturated look - not much point in all those fucking paints, then. Still, it was reasonably quick to paint and as I burbled on about in an earlier post, it's about the overall look of the army, not the individual model. Good fucking job too. Easier to paint than the Ret scheme done by Matt DiPietro. I should have an army of everyone's favourite desert-dwelling fascist bastards done by the end of the year.

I am finding it hard to motivate myself at the moment. I feel spread a bit too thin, but that might just be my insomnia getting the better of me. I have to change models, to paint a solo for a fellow Pressganger for Christmas, so maybe that will turn out ok. Who knows? Who fucking cares? It's all shit at the end of the day, like every human endeavor - ultimately pointless unless it leads to some form of sexual gratification. And haven't I chosen the perfect way to get the girlies, eh?

Angry at the lack of available women in his shop

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Tangents within tangents within ovaries ...

Bit of a surprise package arrived today, so I have yet another model stealing my attention - Major Dreadful from the SmartMax range. This is a wonderful resin miniature, extremely well cast especially when compared to Forge World. Barely any mold lines and flashing and, comparing it to the Khorne Daemon Prince out back, much more character.

French quirkyness works on so many levels, especially in their women. However, I have chosen to paint a fat, English lawman and his bulldog (which has a realistically detailed shitbox).

Sigh. Sometimes I hate having so much choice, I am the prevaricator supreme.

Anyway, get your arses down to Wargames Inc if you want to berate me for my language. I'll have to be polite to you, I'll be in public.

Angry with options

Customary cervix to be resumed presently ...

There has been a bit of a paucity of updates over the last week or so, I know. The reason for this is I had been working my arse off helping organise a wargames show. Like a fucking lead balloon, before you ask. It turns out that the wargames community as a whole (ie you) are a bunch of bastards. That's right, the fault for my failure lies squarely with you and not with me or anything I did wrong.

Still, there's always next year, and hopefully the Warmachine/Hordes community will actually support this one, instead of just one person turning up.

I think Matt DiPietro was in town, so the security closed off all the roads around our area. Fucking celebrities, eh?

On a painty side, I did get the Skorne test model finished. I learned that painting quickly should not mean rushed (I fucked up the skin) and it looks quite ... well, there will be a photo or two in the next update, before the end of the week.

I also have to get a Retribution solo done, finish off Kaelyssa and get another solo painted. However, I have decided to go off on my first 'official' tangent. No, the army painting thing doesn't count - it's in the same universe. This tangent is Big Boris MkII, from Heresy Miniatures. Big boris is sculpted by Andy Foster, and is how barbarians should be. Hugely muscled half ogres the likes of which haven't been seen for ages in this world of too much detail and bizarre action poses (like the Infinity sniper balancing on one fucking leg).

Andy also has the license to produce Thrud miniatures, and also makes the fabled Netherlord II - a half a kilo of metal with the biggest cock you've ever seen on a miniature. Seriously, it's called the 'Netherwang'.

Go buy loads of stuff from him, he's a great bloke and the miniatures are awesome, too.

Angry at you in particular

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Found items and the like ...

I've had the misfortune to find the cable that connects the camera to the computer, so it looks like my previously mentioned rare triumph will be the usual load of crap. I got some painting in on Hexeris, I just have to do the flesh, tidy up the overspill, finish the armour and then do the base. As for time, well, when painting I don't go by hours but by what music I've been listening to. So far it has taken me one play through of Slipknot Live at Download '09, one play through of Metallica Live at Nottingham '09 and one play through of Master of Puppets. This time includes eight cigarette breaks as well.

It's looking a bit rubbish, to be honest, but fine for the tabletop. The thing I have to keep reminding myself is that speed painting isn't about the individual miniature but the overall look of the army. I'm hoping to have at least 500 points done by the end of the month, along with a continued assault on poor Kaelyssa.

As for pictures, there should be some on Friday. I need 24 hours for the PVA to dry before I can do anything to the base, then another 24 hours for the static grass to dry (that stuff gets everywhere). I'm going for the same washed out look on the base, as the Skorne are desert dwellers (hmm, real pale skin, too. Someone doesn't know their evolutionary biology, methinks).

I would try to be witty and stuff, but I'm too drained.

Angry at creationism

Monday, 2 November 2009

Oh, it's so on, bitches!

Another week, another post. The challenge for tonight (and tomorrow) is to paint, with speed, one Hordes Warlock. Pah! I hear you snort derisively. Easy as wiping my arse and twice as fast. Firstly, those who know me know that I paint slow. However, painting slow doesn't get your army done. So I thought I'd join the herd and bash an army out so I can actually have a painted horde (you see what I did there?) to smash my opponents with.

Secondly, who the fuck do you think you are? You don't fucking know me.

Thirdly, can I find the cable that connects the boss' camera to the computer? Not at the moment. So I will have to use my words to tell the story of what is going on.

Once upon a time, a hot redhead from a hit science fiction show came to my house and ...

Fuck. Wrong story.

Basically all I have done is a sloppy prep job (got rid of most of the mold lines), stuck it together and undercoated it black. Citadel primer, for those who are interested. I'll do the masses of drybrushing when I get home from work (shit, before you ask. Sweet zombie Jesus I fucking hate the damn questions you lot always ask). I will be colouring it in using the bane of my painting career so far, Formula P3 paints.

Now, I have nothing against the P3 paints aside from the fact they don't do what I want them to do. And I wish they would either fuck off or do as they should when I see the finished model in my head. I can't badmouth them too much because Mike and Ali McVey (all praise their name) developed them, so they get a lot of slack due to that connection alone.

Paint ranges and limited edition miniatures. My fucking craptonite. I have far too many paints.

Well over 180 different pots from over 4 different ranges before you ask. And that doesn't include pigments, tools, sculpting goo and the rest of my crap.

So tune in sometime later this week to see how it all goes. If I can't get the damn camera lead I'll tell you how it goes (looks like it's going to be a rare triumph on my part so far).

Least I haven't bitched about Matt DiPietro this post, eh? With his talent and good looks and youth. The bastard.

Angry at your presumtion

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Second Picture Update ...

Bit of a lackluster update today (to match the damn model). So, as promised, here are some crappy pictures of my attempt to match the PP studio Retribution paint scheme. Painting while ill, remember, is not a wise thing to do. Of course, it didn't stop me from fucking up my model and not having easy access to Simple Green, I'll most likely toss the model when it's done. Fucking Matt DiPietro, he made it sound so fucking simple - just add 3 drops of Radiant Platinum, 1 drop of Red Ink and 2 of Blue Ink and 3 drops of Armour Wash my fucking arse. I ended up with a green sword and really dark purple metal everywhere else. Why didn't any of you bastards remind me how fucking strong inks actually are? Well, as long as I can amuse you, I suppose.

Here's the first picture, Kaelyssa's sword:

Oh, that dark line isn't fucking shadow, it's the ink I was told to use. For fuck's sake. At least the compression on the .jpg toned down the shine. Perhaps that's why she's such an effective warcaster - her sword blinds her opponents.

What a load of shit, eh? Well prepare yourself: here's the next one, Kaelyssa herself.

So this is the main body. I do tend to be a quite messy painter, tidying up as I go, but bugger me. Not very nice to say the least. Well, actually, that's like gilding a turd. It has made me think, though. While it's nice (ha!) to try to do your best to improve, it's fucking slow going getting an army done. So I have decided to start another project while this one is going on: getting my Skorne onto the tabletop. To do this, I'm going to speedpaint my tits off, and alternate between the two factions. So tomorrow I'll start the prep on some Skorne (I have a fair amount) with a view to having a portion of them ready for undercoating by Sunday. As for the colour scheme, I'll be going for a monochromatic look similar to the film '300'.

That's right, I'll be ripping off Ron Kruzie's idea from No Quarter. Hell, he's the head of the Privateer painting studio, he hired Matt DiPietro so it's his fault I messed up on this model and I can feel no guilt whatsoever stealing his colour scheme.

See? Justification is easy.

Just ask the Bush family.

Angry because he hasn't had anything to eat yet

Monday, 26 October 2009

There's no business like (trade) show business ...

Over the weekend, I got to go to Gamesfest 4 with my LGS, Wargames Inc. Awesome, eh? So I decide to get a relatively early night for the 5am Saturday start. One of my neighbours has other plans, however, and regales me with shitty R'n'B and pop music via the too-loud speakers in his fucking car. I'd have loved to swing out and pull an inverted takedown on the bastard, but I'm not Batman.

So, 3 hours of sleep later I'm up and staggering down to meet Martin, a customer who had agreed to drive me to the show and sell shit for Wargames Inc and we're off. It's a long fucking way to Watford (my initial hopes that it would be a quick drive were dashed when I learned that the Watford Gap service station is nowhere fucking near Watford). Setup was ok, we had a good spot and I got my demo table out to run Warmachine battlebox demos all day - easy life.

However, I had forgotten Alessio Cavatore (Skaven Army Book, current 40K) was sending his proxy down to demo Shuuro for the store. When his proxy turned out to be Jervis 'Bloodbowl' Johnson I had to pack my shit away. I mean, some scruffy twat Pressganger or a legitimate games design legend? He's a really nice guy too, so I sold some stuff for Wargames, pointed people in the direction of the big Warmachine demo game and cooly chatted to Jervis (monopolised him with my lickspittle fawning, really). I gave up my demo spot and talked about the old days with the guy who created Bloodbowl. Fucking top one, so far.

I also hung out with Dave from Warlord Games. Their new Black Powder rules, written by Rick Priestly (also a really nice and approachable guy) and Jervis Johnson sound really intriguing. No points values and abuse of the system limited by agreement between friends. That's the main thing behind these rules, getting together with your mates to have fun - the rules are very old school in that respect. I will be wanting one of those, I can tell you. But to blag Martin the 'Big Willie' figure I had to make a sale for them. That's right, I had to schill for Warlord Games to get someone a limited run miniature and that someone wasn't me. Dave's a cheeky bastard.

The day took a slightly sour turn for us when another trader turned up and announced he was selling all his stuff at 50% off RRP. Good for the gamer, I know, but not so good for the trader who is scrabbling for margins in what is, let's face it, a niche market at best. And when he announced a further 25% reduction on his 'overstock' (including Grind, a game from Privateer Press released last week), that was taking the piss. Perhaps he didn't realise a Pressganger would know about Privateer's products. We had to refund any profit made thanks to that. The event organisers, Mark and Walter were really understanding and helped us out as best they could, so thanks to them for that.

The event was stacked with authors, including one of the guys who got me into this hobby, Steve Jackson (no, not the GURPS guy), one of the Fighting Fantasy gamebook creators. The most surreal moment for me was when Jervis (his manner is very disarming, you soon forget he's a GW big cheese) said 'I hope Steve Jackson's here with the Fighting Fantasy guys, I haven't spoken to him in ages'. I did a double take until I realised that Jervis is, actually, a GW big cheese and not one of my mates. Steve Jackson (no, not the fucking GURPS guy) and Jon Green were signing books, as were Graham McNeil and the author of the Brethren trilogy, Robyn Young.

I got to make some new friends (well, let's say I met some people who didn't automatically vomit after spending a couple of minutes with me) and had a good time generally. Definately worth going to.

I got to bed at about 10pm, so a long day for me. Then I got up, feeling a bit ill, and went down to Wargames to get some painting done. It turned out really fucking shit. I hadn't used inks in a long fucking time. Basically, I ruined the Kaelyssa model. That's what I get for following Matt DiPietro's destructions. I'll post pictures later on in the week and leave you with this one bit of advice: if you're ill enough to have to turn down a home-cooked meal (I missed chilli and rice, for fuck's sake) you're not well enough to fucking paint.

The real fucking kicker is that on Monday I felt pretty good. Looks like my crappy immune system crapped out on me, but only for one day.


Angry that days off are full of suffering

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Not using a John Lennon pun at all, dammit!

So yesterday (must ... fight ... obviousness ...), I thought I'd get a shitload of painting done. It's my day off, I left the laptop at work so any film watching/.pdf reading could wait and my natural tendancy to prevaricate would be neutered. The plan was to pretty much complete the warcaster so I can move on to the units of troops, then my mage hunter solo, followed by the 'jacks. I roll out of bed and the first thing I see is ... Batman: Arkham Asylum.

Now I haven't played on my mate's 360 for ages (I should really give it back, I suppose) but I thought a few hours on the game wouldn't hurt. I stopped playing the fucking game a half hour before I was due to come in to work. It's that good. So, that's why this update is shit. I've not done any painting, I'm mostly asleep and it's all Batman's fault. I mean, who wouldn't like to destroy some tosser because he's a dick?

No-one, that's who.

Plus, you can hang upside-down from gargoyles and zip down to grab the bastards by the throat and you end up hanging them by their ankle while you zip across to anouther handy vantage point and wait to apply the coup de friggin grâce.

When the punk's buddys go to see what has happened, and are standing beneath him, you throw your batarang at the rope and stupid falls on his mate and knocks 'em both out! Fucking genius!

So, the upshot of this crappy post is this: don't play videogames if you're meant to be doing something else and buy Batman: Arkham Asylum - you beat the shit out of people of every colour so it's fun, non-racist catharsis.

Everyone put on their growlyest voice and repeat after me:

I'm not Batman.


Angry he isn't a Knight of the Dark variety

Monday, 19 October 2009

First Picture Update

Well, it's a bit of a crappy picture (not enough light) and it turns out is not as good as Photoshop (selection tools lick rectum big time) but what the hell. I messed about with levels and the like to get it closer to what it actually looks like but it turned into the same green as Green Stuff (used to make the damn thing). In reality it's a warm green with reddish-brown shading and in the pic it's ... utter bollocks.

I'm trying to get a more naturalistic look, not taking the highlights too high so the armour looks really white (it's actually a really, really pale blue) which should tie in to her dye-job when I paint her hair. Which is why she's wearing a spinach-green cloak (plants are cammo, right?) offset with that stealthiest of colours, bright fucking white. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not jumping on the colour scheme bashing bandwagon (I quite like it) but Matt DiPietro is far better at this lark than I am. He's most likely younger and better-looking than me which makes me want to spew bile like I just drank the world's most potent emetic. Bastards.

White and black are two of the most difficult colours to shade and highlight and thanks to Matt 'Inspirational' DiPietro I've jumped right in - the damn 'jacks are going to be a pain in my ringpiece, lots of smooth surfaces to shade. Mind you, the Ret painting guide in the army book is worth the price alone. That's right, I have an army of these bastards to get through. The plan is to paint every model as well as I can, that way I should improve a bit.

There will be rants aplenty in future, but that's it for this episode. Much Kudos to Matt DiPietro and the Privateer Press painting studio for being inspirational, even if it does make me overreach myself.

First one of you bastards to tell me to 'Paint like I got a pair' gets a half-brick in the fucking face.

Angry he hasn't got Mike McVey's skills

The obligatory intro post ...

Hola! My name is Rob and I'm a mini painter. I'm back on the wagon after a long lay off, about 15 years or so ...


Yeah, another old fart getting back into the hobby. The ultimate goal is to get to the 2010 Golden Daemon awards and make it through the first cut. That's right, not to win an award (not that I'd say no, mind you) but to be able to produce painting that people other than my mum or those scared of my incredibly foul temper think is ok too.

I'm currently painting (or massively devaluing) Kaelyssa, Night's Whisper, a Retribution warcaster at the moment (slavishly following the destructions in the Ret rulebook by Matt DiPietro) and using P3 paints. It's not going so well, but that's to be expected after such a long layoff. As soon as I get the damn camera to work, I'll post pictures, so you'll just have to take my word for this - it's stunning in it's mediocrity. First cut is seeming quite far away at the moment.

I'll also be giving my thoughts on paint ranges, mini ranges and anything else I need to spew vitriol over. Hell. it's the internet, you don't know who I am, I can get away with pretty much anything on here.



Oh, and if bad language offends, you might not want to follow along ...

Angry at people on his lawn